Children's Pain

In a perfect world, children would not have to experience deep pain.  In a perfect world, children would have people surround them in love.  In a perfect world, children would recognize the value in themselves.

This is not a perfect world.

I just finished watching MTV's "If You Really Knew Me," a television program about a school-based program called Challenge Day.  Challenge Day is a one-day program when students are selected to participate in an event that provides them an opportunity to learn that they are not alone in their pain and concerns.  They learn to join together in unity to find healing through loving, healthy, and open relationships with their peers and families.  With this knowledge, and advancing wisdom, they learn how to go out into their communities and share that love with others in overt and committed ways.  It moved me.  It changed me.

On the Challenge Day webpage they have the following information:

Our Vision

Our vision is that every child lives in a world where they feel safe, loved and celebrated.

          Our Mission

The Challenge Day mission is to provide youth and their communities with experiential programs that demonstrate the possibility of love and connection through the celebration of diversity, truth, and full expression.

As someone who has experienced in his own family drug abuse, murder, suicide, alcoholism, sentencing to prison, teenage pregnancy, miscarriages, illness and disability, poverty, and issues surrounding race, sexuality, and culture, I know that most people are aware that these crises exist in our country, communities, and families.  Talking about these issues is like bringing sunlight to them, making the shadows of fear and loneliness disappear.

To all the young people, I ask that you watch this program.  When you are ready, hopefully sooner than later, take the brave step to talk to someone you trust about your issues.  Be honest about your sadness and concerns.  Know that you will be believed.  Most of all, know that you are not alone. 

To all the adults, I know we, as parents, teachers, clergy, medical professionals, and friends, do the best we can to address these issues; however, let there be no mistake that these challenges do exist in ways we can never imagine.  For many of us, in our attempt to take the best possible care of our children, we become busy, and things sometimes slip by.  In our attempt to appear strong for our children, we do not let them into the intimacy of our lives.  Sometimes, in our attempt to avoid facing these dilemmas, we live in denial of important issues.  After all, we are people, too.  We have fears, histories, and frailties just like anyone else.  Know that you, too, are not alone to deal with these issues.  In the same way our children can go to those they trust, we, too, must be able to find someone to whom we can be honest about those things that we are facing as well.

As a society, we are so busy trying to appear a certain way in public.  We hide so much of our lives so that others will not think less of us.  What we tend to forget is that we are all in this together.  We are brothers and sisters who must stand together in the face of all adversity.  Most importantly, we must assure our children that they have a whole, diverse community prepared to step up and buoy their hearts and spirits when they feel as though they are drowning from the stresses and fears they experience.

Thank you for everything you do for your/our children.  You are making a difference.  Friendship, family relations, and professional support are all vital to our families, including those of us who are the heads of our families. 

I hope you get as much out of this program as I did. 

______________________________

References:

Challenge Day. (2010). Challenge Day. Retrieved from http://www.challengeday.org/

Rulings on Two DOMA Cases

Judge Joseph Tauro, a federal judge in the Commonwealth of Massachussets, recently ruled on two cases regarding Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). In both instances, it was determined that this section of DOMA was unconstitutional by virtue of violations of not one, but two amendments to the Constitution.  In ruling that DOMA was contrary to the due process clause of the Fifth Amendment, equal protection under the law, and the Tenth Amendment, the right of states to make their own laws about marriage, and to have those laws recognized by the federal government, Judge Tauro opened another door toward recognizing inclusive marriage rights for both hetero- and homoamorous couples in the United States.  An excellent article on the details of these cases was written by Lisa Keen in Bay Windows, a large, New England periodical that caters to the LGBT community, entitled, "Doma decision released."

Although the response to the Fifth Amendment was vitally important because it recognizes the inequality among citizens of the U.S., the ruling on the Tenth Amendment held the greatest movement forward.  By stating that state laws that were not otherwise contraindicated by federal law must be recognized by the federal government, homoamorous couples could be recognized by the federal government as married.  Recognizing all marriages as valid at the federal level will provide greater weight to the discussion supporting inclusive marriage.

The U.S. Court of Appeals and the U.S. Supreme Court are still ahead in the battle for marriage equality.  There is nothing wrong with due process.  One of the best ways to communicate change is to define one's terms.  Marriage is... Marriage is not...  These blanks must be filled in at the legislative, judiciary, and social levels to be effective. 

As California awaits the ruling on Proposition 8 in San Francisco, this timely message comes as yet another ray of hope for those who so deeply desire to marry the person they love.  It seems that slowly, the term "gay marriage" is being replaced by "marriage equality" and "inclusive marriage."  This is an important delineation because at the legal level, there should only be one "marriage." 

The cases before the courts right now relate only to civil marriages.  In 2010, every marriage in this country that is found in a state's Bureau of Vital Statistics is a civil marriage.  Although it may be performed by a minister and sanctified by a church, the marriage license itself is for a civil marriage, not a religious one.  Our nation is beginning to understand this concept.  Lawmakers, judges, and voters can no more legislate faith than religious leaders can determine law.  Communist countries legislate religious practice.  Theocracies allow religious tenets to directly affect law.  Although there is a morality to our laws, the United States is a republic that practices democracy.  U.S. citizens have the best seat in the house to see that difference at a national level right now, and it looks good.

The Other Privacy Matters of Facebook

"My father has cancer."  "John Doe's relationship status has changed."  "I got soooo drunk last night." 

In Dunsmuir, where I was reared, there were certain matters people talked about and subjects we simply didn't.  If someone was inebriated, one did not share that with the entire town.  It was sometimes weeks before our family learned that a couple was having serious difficulties.  It was months before we learned of someone's illness. Oh, there was gossip, of course, not unlike Norman Rockwell's print (right); but, most people kept family matters private until they had to address it in a more public forum.  Facebook™, and its cousins, Twitter™, MySpace™, and other social networking sites, have changed all that.

What is the right balance of information to share on a public forum?  There are several arguments that make sense.

Sharing everything that goes on in one's life provides that individual with a community of people who care for, and support, that person during their most difficult passages.  The death of a loved one, accidents, and disappointments are all burdens that may feel a little lighter because of the outpouring of love received from others.  There is less awkwardness after a public announcement like that.  We know what happened, and the person who posted knows we know what happened, so we can discuss it openly.  The same effect is seen during our triumphs.  Notes of congratulations and celebration are posted with emoticons and photos of happy puppies.  On Facebook™, there are very few secrets anymore.  Nearly everything seems available for public consumption. 

On the other hand, are there subjects that should remain inside the home?  News often affects others, as well as the one posting the information.  Has the posting agent consulted with those who might be impacted before announcing whatever news is being presented?  Not likely.  The delicacy of social interactions is going the way of proper grammar and spelling... down the proverbial tubes.

My mother used to say, "Never write down anything you don't want printed on the front page of the New York Times, and never say anything you don't want shouted from the highest mountain top."  There's some wisdom there.  Recently, on television, I heard a commentator report that people were getting arrested, and others were losing out on jobs because of their postings on Facebook™ as well as other social media sites.  The art of discretion is being lost.

It may be surprising to know that a writer is suggesting there are things that should not be shared.  Someone who writes is encouraged to open their lives, thoughts, and feelings for public consumption in the most intimate ways.  There is, however, something to be said for maintaining a certain amount of mystery in public life.  So few surprises exist anymore between people familiar with one another.  With IPhone™ and Droid™ apps that allow Facebook™ to travel with them wherever they go, some people are recording every moment of their lives in posts.  We see examples of this with celebrities all the time; but, they are not alone.

Readers know things about their Facebook™ friends that they may not feel they need to know.  I'm certain people may sometimes feel ambivilent about what I post as well.  Of course, most of what they know about me comes from my blog site and not Facebook™ postings.  The majority of my Facebook™ comments are birthday greetings, thinking-of-you notes, and links to new articles on my blog.  Certainly, everyone has a different perception about Facebook™.  Mine just happens to be that Facebook™ is like seeing an acquaintance on the street.  I'm not going to tell them my most intimate stories as we're passing one another, any more than I would expect them to do the same.  Those stories are saved for times alone with those closest to me.

With all this being said, I do love my friends.  I want to share in their sorrows and their joys.  I am interested in how they are doing.  I am also thrilled to reconnect with those people with whom I've lost contact many years ago.  Facebook™ simply seems to leave me cool when it comes to intimacy.  Perhaps because I am a musician who depends on my aural skills so often, hearing someone's voice means so much more to me.  I miss sitting on the phone for an hour with a friend who lives far away, and catching up on all their news. Even private messages and e-mails provide a better avenue for more intimate discussions than public postings on a website, as far as I'm concerned.

The truth is, I miss the embrace of friends upon our greeting and departure.  The world is so small that it now fits into 13" screen; yet, it is still so large that many of those I love are too far away for me to hug.  Even with those who live closer, we find ourselves with opposing schedules and cannot visit as often as we'd like.

As it stands, I suppose I will have to be satisfied with brief posts to Facebook™ to learn about my friends.  I should be grateful for that. Until the day of inexpensive travel or teletransportation arrives, I will just have to live without the physical presence of so many of my beloved friends. 

James Chávez Glica-Hernandez misses his friends and wishes they were closer. 
__________________________

Photos:

Rockwell, Norman (2010) ["Gossip"] Print by Norman Rockwell.  Retrieved from  http://mashedmusings.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/gossip-print.jpg

(2010) [Person passing IPhone advertisement]. BBC.co.uk.  Retrieved from http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/technology/080415_afp_iphone3.jpg

Burns, Taurus (2010) ["Group hug"] paintDetroit.com. Retrieve from  http://www.paintdetroit.com/Home/Ghetto%20of%20Eden/images/Group%20Hug.jpg

English as a First Language

With all due modesty, in the secret recesses of my mind, I believe I'm a pretty good writer.  I have a healthy grasp of the English language and am more than familiar with the structural components thereof; at least, this is what I thought.

As part of my education at University of Phoenix Online, I have to take a writing class for students.  Who knew that after 30+ years away from college, I would have forgotten as much as I have.  Transitive and intrasitive verbs, comma-splicing, passive and active voices, and many other areas of writing are being received by my musty brain as though they've never been learned before. 

When I was in elementary school and high school, I did my best work on speeches and creative writing essays.  Book reports were fine, but they required far too much effort, quite honestly.  I suppose, in a way, I preferred blogging long before personal computers even existed.  Now that I'm expected to write with authority, accuracy, and in abundance, all directed by someone else, it's another matter all together. 

What I'm enjoying about the process, though, is that parts of my brain that have been dormant for so many years are dancing with glee in the ballroom that is my cranium, being allowed to sway once again to the music of my education. During my years of teaching, it was so much easier because I gave the assignments, then graded them after the little children cranked out their well-worked prose.  Even while I took a turn as a long-term substitute teacher in 10th Grade English, the units I covered were on short stories and poetry.  Again, creative writing.

I'm learning, though.  Structure, syntax, grammar, punctuation, and style are coming together.  It's very exciting; especially considering that I want to write for a living when I'm done with college.  [Author's note:  That sounds so funny coming from someone who is nearly 51.] 

The sad truth is that my work for the last 20 years as a musician is coming to a close.  Playing the piano is becoming more and more difficult with each passing year.  The arthritis, the carpal tunnel, and the issues following two strokes are more than my hands can handle anymore.  One would think that typing would also be a problem; however, it not as much because there isn't as much extension and power as when I play the piano.  The irony is that I can no longer write with a pen more than a few minutes at a time, if even that some days, because the act of holding the pen is painful.  The same holds true for the baton as I conduct in the pit.  Clearly, the Universe is directing me to the act of typing.  It's painfree (most of the time), enjoyable, and I'm able to do it at home.

I love my native language.  English to me is expressive and direct.  I will admit to a certain proclivity for the Italian language for sound and lyricism; but for function and comfort, it's all about English.  As a side note, if we add much more colloquial language to our American idiom, we'll soon develop our own distinct language.  Perhaps it would be called, "Amuricun." 

Hopefully, as I continue blogging, those following my entries will see a growth in my writing, both in style and structure.  As with music, I know that learning the foundational components of anything does not detract from the creativity of the work.  As my dear friend, Emily, says, it just adds colors to your box of paints.

Wishcraft

Every so often, when I least expect it, I spontaneously begin a sentence with, "Wouldn't it be nice if..."  One can fill in the blank any way one wishes, but if I say these words without thinking about them first, whatever is in that blank seems to come to pass.  I can't explain it.  It's been happening my whole life.  It's like wishcraft.  There's nothing evil about it.  It just feels like I am heard.  I suppose it's all about intention, because let me consciously think about those words before I say them, and more often than not, they end up evaporating like a drop of water in 105 degree weather.  Poof!

The Universe has a funny way of hearing our purest heart.  If we simply and innocently express a need, the Universe offers a satisfying response to that need. Sometimes, it takes a long, long time to get a response, but one eventually arrives.  When our intention is to manipulate and bring benefit to ourselves alone out of greed or malice, the Big U may actually give us what we ask; however, it comes with a very steep price.  That price is a lesson about our request.

In his blog on the Psychology Today website, Dr. Steven Diamond, forensic psychologist, quoted St. Thomas Aquinas who said that greed is "a sin against God, just as all mortal sins, in as much as man condemns things eternal for the sake of temporal things. (2010)"  In most religious and spiritual traditions, this overwhelming need to acquire things, feelings, or experiences for a selfish benefit goes against the nature of abundance and unity in the ethereal world.

There is, of course, a balance in all things.  Selflessness to the detriment of one's own health and wellbeing is to ignore what sustains us.  If we drive our car without refueling it, it will certainly run out of gas eventually.  Then, we are stuck in the middle of nowhere, waiting for assistance.  No matter how important it is for us to get where we are trying to go, and who needs us to be there, the truth remains that we didn't take care of our own needs so that we can continue being of service to others.  A certain amount of introspection about our own needs is necessary.

Gautama Buddha teaches that greed is an expression of desire for worldly material things in the extreme.  Buddhists believe that greed, like all human attachment to our physical world, is the root of all suffering.  This attachment can be to material goods (Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi scheme), physical pleasures (Tiger Woods and his many mistresses), or relationships with others (the murder of Jennifer Hudson's family by her ex-husband, William Balfour).

An axiom in the religious community has been for many years, "God will provide."  There is also a quote from Benjamin Franklin, paraphrased from the wonderful Greek storyteller and moralist, Æsop, "God helps those who help themselves (1736)."

There was a story about a fellow who lived in a house near a river.  A flood was approaching and the police came to his door, lights flashing, and said to the man, "Get in my car, sir.  A flood is coming."

The man peacefully responded, "Don't worry, God will save me."

As the waters rose and the man was hanging out of his second story window, a rowboat drifted by.  The man rowing said, "Get into my boat!"

"God will save me," said the man securely.

The man ended up on the rooftop with a helicopter hovering above.  Out of the loudspeaker, the pilot implored the man, "Get into the chopper, sir!"

The man defiantly and faithfully shouted back, "God will save me!"

A short time later, not surprisingly, the man drowned.  As he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates, the man inquired, "Why didn't God save me?"

St. Peter said, "We sent you a car, a boat, and a helicopter, for crying out loud!"

This man was both greedy for what he wanted in his way and clearly incapable of recognizing his own needs at the same time.  Certainly, it is obvious that if the man had been humble and grateful for the assistance of the first police officer, he would have survived to have many years ahead of him on this planet.  It could be reasonably argued, too, that his time was done and perhaps he understood that he had completed his work on Earth.

I recently found out that someone I love very much who has been suffering for a long time is finally getting long-awaited help. This very special person has been generous in time and love, even during physical and monetary suffering.  The prayers offered by everyone for this special person didn't go unheeded; simply offered in just the right moment, and after a long journey of work and faith.

The truth is, I don't understand much about the operation of the Universe.  What I do know are these things:

• My faith tells me that there is something larger than myself that exists.  I call that something alternately God or the Universe.  Some call it Grandfather, Allah, or one of many other names.  It doesn't matter to me, because it is all the same thing;
• My faith tells me that I carry a part of the Universe inside my spirit-heart.  Everything "out there" is also "in here;" 
• My faith tells me that in gratitude, love, joy, and faith, all things are possible; and  
• My faith tells me that only in unity are we fully connected with the Universe.  When we are exclusive, we lose some of our rememberance of who we truly are.  

Pretty much, that's all I know about the Universal order.  So, when I make my wishes... the spontanteous, innocent ones... it is that place from which they come.  I'd like to believe that this is the reason wishcraft works so well for me.   I'd love to know if that's how it works for others, too.

Happy wishing!
____________________

References:

Diamond, S. (2009) Is greed ever good: the psychology of selfishness. Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evil-deeds/200903/is-greed-ever-good-the-psychology-selfishness.

Franklin, Benjamin. (1736). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved July 1, 2010, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/benjaminfr379646.html

Photos:

(2010) [Man Daydreaming] Lifecoachinglls.com. Retrieved from http://www.lifecoachinglls.com/site/files/Man%20Daydreaming.jpg

(2010) [Man on roof during flood] amadeo.blog.com.  Retrieved from http://amadeo.blog.com/repository/1204084/3264645.jpg
(2010) [Inner self light on heart] 4.bp.blogspot.com  Retrieved from https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZJtnZZN1xWGoymfv8ETH7UH-bOmcphSnXEDp84EX_enQlEHb84YNeaP4GxzIdJIwg02Ype8KLrVPC0SkptUe2Dv0nwwEN-voerYGc9wjYRh1Be0LZRz-gMBTInw8hgQJx7_5T/s400/innerselflightonheart.jpg

Our Second Hand

There are days when minutes feel like years and
Years seem like seconds. 
There are looks that last a lifetime and
Lifetimes that take only moments.
When will the hands on the clock meet the
Beat of our heart-spirit,
So that everything resonates at the level of
Our soul's second hand? 

It is when we breathe in peace, and
Exhale gratitude
With the most vivid passion our lives can muster.

_________________________

Person Life Juggler Clock by Michelle Allen Designs
Photo retrieved from http://www.squidoo.com/MichelleAllenDesigns

A Letter from a Polish Woman

"Why do you have a Polish word in the title of your blog? I am not sure I like it being associated with some of your views." - Chrissy (June 23, 2010)

I received these two sentences in a comment to my previous blog site.  It took me aback.  I don't know Chrissy.  She clearly does not know me.  As she read some of my blogs, she felt compelled to exercise her First Amendment freedom to write me a brief note telling me that my views were not consistent with that which she believed the Polish community would approve.  Apparently, as a Polish man, I am supposed to be sensitive to how the Polish community is perceived and censor myself in that light. 

I disagree.

This was my response to Chrissy:

"Dear Chrissy,

"Thank you for writing. The reason I have the word, 'Powodzenia,' in my title is because as a Polish man, I love the meaning of the word, which I’m sure you know means good luck. It appears you believe that all Polish people believe the same way you do. I am sorry to inform you that this is not the case. There are liberals and conservatives, Democrats and Republicans, Christians and Jews, and many other polarities that can be found in our culture, as in every culture. I am surprised, however, to find someone who feels they can speak for an entire culture as you seem to be attempting to do.

"The other aspect of my concern is that as an American, under the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States, I am freely entitled to express my views and use whatever language I choose. Lech Walensa also fought for those same rights in Poland. As a Polish culture, we have been embattled for centuries with being overrun by Russians, Germans, and many other countries in their futile attempt to cripple or destroy our culture. We were thrown in concentration camps during World War II, not because we were Jewish, but because we were simply Polish. No one person or foreign culture has been able to accomplish that goal. We Poles are too strong.

"It is with this understanding that I invite you to remember our culture, to celebrate the fact that we are free to speak our minds and hearts as both Poles and Americans, and to move toward a more compassionate understanding of others’ views. It is the same appearance of your close-mindedness that incited some of the greatest tragedies in our common Polish history.

"Powodzenia, pani Chrissy,

"James"

Some may suggest that I should have asked her about which views she found so offensive as to inspire her typing these two phrases.  I suppose I'm not a very sensitive listener/reader, because I was not at all concerned about that.  It could have been my views on politics, equal rights, our military, or my support of Tyreke Evans from the Sacramento Kings as Rookie of the Year.  That wasn't the point. 

In 2010, some of our citizens still think that we are supposed to have a homogeneous belief system to which everyone must ascribe.  These same citizens also believe, as is in evidence from Chrissy's note, that those who do not believe in the same way should be silenced, or at least, not identify themselves as part of the accepted majority.   This concept takes me directly to other periods in history when individuals suggested that this would be the best course of action. 

What a tiny world in which Chrissy and all the other Chrissys (Chrissies?) must live.  My father's entire family is Polish and I know that we represent the spectrum of philosophies and belief systems.  We argue about them and laugh about them, but what we do not do is attempt to silence those around us who disagree.  We know that this would be ethically criminal.

So, to Chrissy, and those who share her beliefs, I offer no apologies or other explanations for what I write.  I only offer my pride in my Polish heritage, my gratitude for my citizenship as an American, and my awe at the freedom I enjoy as a writer.