Twelve Years

The Chinese Astrology system makes its journey through the Universe every 12 years.  This year, we are in the Yang Metal year of the Tiger.  Twelve years ago we were experiencing the Yang Earth year of the Tiger.  Twelve years ago, my husband, David and I first met on June 7, 1998.  Our first photo together was taken in the summer of 1999 (see above).

Upon reading Suzanne White's, "The New Chinese Astrology," about earth and metal tigers, and extrapolating them to become significant for our relationship, it looks like the next twelve years will be more productive and balanced than the previous twelve years.  That's good news because David and I have walked a long, arduous path to get here.

When we got married on August 1, 2005 and then had our wedding on August 5, 2006 (photo right), we figured the lion's (or tiger's) share of our challenges were behind us.  Who knew that relationships take work and communication and teamwork?

Although I was married to my ex-wife for eight years, we started our married life together when we were 17.  We had no idea what made a healthy marriage.  After our divorce in 1985, I assumed for a long time I was just not built for wedded bliss.  When I met David, I knew from the day we met that we would be married.  One must remember that marriage for homoamorous people was not even an option at the time.  I just intuitively knew.

We were together for three years before things got so challenging that I had to walk away.  I didn't contact him once in over two years after our separation.  Not a word.  He contact me a few times by e-mail, but I simply sent curt little notes back in return. I realize now that I didn't want to write because even after all that time, I still was not over this man. I loved him and there was nothing I could do about that fact. 

I had remained alone for much of that time until Spring 2004.  I encountered a very wonderful man who had many of the qualities I wanted in a person.  It wasn't long, though, before I realized there was no way this was going to work.  He wasn't David.  I wanted out of this short-term encounter.  I put on my big-boy britches and did just that. 

When I finally realized that I wanted to hear David's voice, it had been so long that I couldn't bring myself to pick up the telephone.  My blood pressure was up, I was unhappy, I wasn't taking care of myself, and I was lying to myself.  Not a good combination of things. For weeks, I struggled with whether I should call him.  I felt just like one of the 13 year old girls I taught in the middle school.

The problem was that I was a middle-aged man and the stress of feeling one way and not doing anything about it finally came to a head when I had a stroke. 

When I came home from the hospital, it was clear I had to call him.  I was shocked when I dialed his number because it had changed.  I knew I could get ahold of him online, so that's what I did.  I wrote to him.  He didn't write back for over a month.  I assumed that he was done dealing with me, so I finally chalked up our experience to good loving, bad timing, and two stubborn men.

I tried to put it out of my mind, but a month later, I saw him name in my e-mail inbox.  He apologized for the delay saying that his computer had been down.  So began our online conversations for a month.

I was music directing, "Swingin' on a Star" in Woodland, CA in September 2004.  As I was driving home, I called David and asked him if he wanted to get something to eat.  It was the first time we would see one another since January 8, 2002.  He agreed.  We decided to to go to Denny's for something light and greasy.  David doesn't care for Denny's, but that's where I was going to go. 

We talked for hours in one of the best conversations we'd ever had.  He caught me up on the events of his family and about the woman who had hit him while he was riding his bicycle.  He told me about a terrible relationship he had with a terrible man.  I told him about my family and my work.  At the end of the evening, I drove him home and we said good night.

Within a few weeks, we were dating.  Finally, on October 31, 2004, I invited him to my home.  Things just blossomed from there.  It hasn't been without its roller coaster qualities, but which marriage isn't?  I know that if either of us felt our marriage was like driving across Nebraska, flat and full of sameness, we would veer off the highway onto the nearest, bumpiest dirt road.  We're just built like that, I suppose.

We've had so many milestones in our relationship that we had to consolidate our various anniversaries down to one, our marriage date, August 1, 2005.  We are both so sentimental, though, we keep celebrating the others nonetheless.

June 7, 1998 - We met

January 8, 2002 - We separated

October 31, 2004 - We officially started dating the second time

August 1, 2005 - We registered as domestic partners

August 5, 2006 - Our wedding date.

June 7, 2010 - Our twelfth anniversary. (See above)

We now begin our yang metal Tiger Gemini (because of our first meeting date) twelve year cycle.  The truth is that we're two good men, different in many ways, but both with our eyes on one another, so I'm sure this part of the journey will be full of loud laughter, good food, bad tempers, and, most certainly, enduring love. Wish us bon voyage!