Thank You and Good-bye

Well, I tried!  I thought Blogspot.com would be such a good idea.  Not unlike moving to house that you aren't thrilled with from a home you dearly love, I moved here nonetheless.  It's time to return, though, to my happy place.

To find more blogs, please go to http://Powodzenia.wordpress.com/.  Thank you for visiting here.  I truly appreciate your interest in my writing.

James

Show Business is Not Just Show

Broadway at night

Whether one is attending a show on Broadway, in a regional house such as Music Circus, in a local theatre company like Civic Theatre West, or at a high school, show business remains a business.   Like all businesses, during tough economic times, income decreases while expenditures remain the same or increase to produce a show.  Contrary to popular belief, theater companies do not make 100% of their income from ticket sales.  That would be impossible for most companies who want to produce outstanding theater.  Some have a higher percentage of their budgets supported by ticket sales; however, most don't.  Most apply for grants and donations from the government, private foundations, corporations, and individuals like you and me.  Theaters, after all, are charitable organizations; however, these resources are dwindling every year.

The good news is that according to Giving USA, 75% of all charitable donations are offered by generous private individuals.  The challenging part of the news is that charitable giving dropped a total of 3.6% in 2009 to $303.75 billion nationally (Pursuantmedia.com, 2010).  Giving to the arts alone dropped 2.4% to $12.4 billion.  According to the National Center for Charitable Statistics, the average family in Sacramento County listed on its taxes as having donated $2,865 per year in 2006.  This is about $1,400 less than the statewide average, and similar to the giving patterns in Inyo, Nevada, Tuolumne, and Butte Counties (2010). 

Music Circus

I received an e-mail today from the largest theatrical organization in Sacramento today requesting money to assist them in making up a shortfall created by our challenging economy.  Richard Lewis, the executive director of California Music Theater Company (CMT), the parent organization of Music Circus, the Broadway Series, and Cosmopolitan Cabaret, requested donations from patrons from $100 to $2,500.  People simply aren't filling their seats in the way they have in the past.  Sadly, CMT is not the only one to have this experience.  For different reasons, Artistic Differences just closed up shop, as did Civic Theatre West, formerly Magic Circle Repertory Theatre.  Without exception, every theater company needs community support to continue operation.

One might wonder why someone should donate to their favorite theater when there are other pressing financial concerns in front of him or her.  One must remember that whether ballet or opera, musical theater or straight plays are your thing, one has to attend the productions and support the business of show business.  Otherwise, like all organizations without adequate support, they disappear.

Imagine for a moment those evenings or Sunday afternoons when you saw the best production you'd ever seen.  The lights in the house went to half, and you knew that something magical was about to happen.  You've seen shows there many times, and this, your favorite theater company, rarely disappoints.  The conductor takes her downbeat, and the music swells.  Immediately, you are in the show!  The characters come to life, the lighting is perfect, the costumes dance, and the sets let you forget for just a moment that your mortgage is upside down and that your son is starting college in the fall.

None of this happens by accident, and none of it is free.  You pay your ticket price, of course, and for that, these companies are grateful.  They love to see you in the seats, not only because of your pocketbook, but because they are truly joyful to know that you have returned again as a secure patron who knows she will see an amazing production!  They are proud of their work.

Tower Theatre, Roseville

Even with a full house, ticket sales account for about 30% to 50% of the money necessary for operation.  Imagine if the work you did paid for only 30% of your bills.  It wouldn't be pretty.  This isn't because of poor business practices that it is set up like this.  It is because without these donations, few people could afford to attend shows. I suppose most people wouldn't want to, or couldn't for that matter, pay $60 a ticket to see a local production or $240 per ticket for Music Circus.

What's the other option?  If every person who bought a $20 ticket in a 400 seat local theatre donated $25 to $50 a year or more, that would be a huge boon to the company.  You, then, become a stronger patron of the arts.  You have helped assure that a variety of shows are available in your area, and your thumb print is seen on the stage. 

Are you a business owner?  Perhaps you could buy an ad in a program for your company?  If you own a larger company, you could even sponsor a show, and have your name on the marquee.  There are many, many options to support the arts in your area.  Call your favorite company to find out what your options are.  As with any business, theater is about relationships onstage and off. 

You can take a leadership role in supporting the arts in your community.  Donate to your favorite theater.  Make a few calls.  Talk with your friends.  Chat with local business owners.  It only takes a few minutes of your time, and the benefits to your community are enormous.  I know the theater company you choose to support will be extremely grateful.  Your name likely will end up in the program, too.

The power to maintain and grow the artistic community is in your hands.  For those who actively participate already, thank you.  You've made a difference.  I, for one, am anxious to see what those who are now contemplating a greater involvement in theater will do. 



Woodland Opera House



References:

Pursuantmedia.com (2010, May) Giving USA Executive Summary. Center on Philanthrophy at Indiana State University. Giving USA Foundation. Clearview, Illinois. Retrieved from http://www.pursuantmedia.com/givingusa/0510/

National Center for Charitable Statistics (2010)   Charitable Giving by Households that Itemize Deductions (AGI and Itemized Contributions Summary by Zip, 2006), Internal Revenue Service,The Urban Institute, National Center for Charitable Statistics. Retrieved November 24, 2010 from http://nccsdataweb.urban.org/NCCS/V1Pub/index.php

Promotion of Gay Culture?

Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet as
Mitchell and Cameron on ABC's "Modern Family"

On CNN.com today, there was a video article about the distress some folks feel at seeing more gay characters on the television.  Whether the characters are gay themselves or the people playing them are gay in real real, a segment of the population is unhappy that television is, in their words, "promoting homosexuality."  It is unfathomable to me how some folk make these ridiculous claims out loud and expect to be taken seriously.

Let us define our terms.  According to Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary, "promote" means "1 a: to advance in station, rank, or honor...2 a: to contribute to the growth or prosperity of... b: to help bring (as an enterprise) into being... 3 slang: to get possession of by doubtful means or by ingenuity (Merriam, 1971)."  If any part of this definition is appropriate, it is to advance in honor.  While this may be challenging for some, others may believe that bringing gay people into a legitimized place in television is timely and important.

The other definition that should be considered is that of "reflect," which reads, "...4: to give back or exhibit as an image, likeness, or outline : MIRROR."  This seems a more accurate identification of what is happening on television as we see increasing numbers of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in the casts of shows in the mainstream media.

"Will and Grace"
L-R Sean Hayes, Debra Messing, Eric McCormack,
and Megan Mullaly

Most people believe that prior to the title character, Will, and his sidekick, Jack, on NBC's "Will and Grace," that ran from 1998 to 2006, gay people had never appeared as weekly characters in primetime on television.  That simply isn't the case.  In 1972, Vincent Schiavelli portrayed what is believed to be the first gay character in a recurring role.  The show ran for only one year, but it set a milestone nonetheless (Wikipedia.com, 2010).  Anyone who watched television in the 1960s couldn't possibly have missed the flaming Uncle Arthur character portrayed by the flaming Paul Lynde on "Bewitched," or Mr. Sulu, portrayed by the elegant George Takei, on "Star Trek." 

Paul Lynde as Uncle Arthur
on "Bewitched"

Certainly there were guest appearances by gay characters, but usually they were drag queens, effeminate gay best friends forever, or bar flies.  Even "Queer as Folk," the British television series that began in 1999 and was followed by the American version in 2000, was shown only on a premium cable channel, HBO.  Network television wanted nothing to do with these folks.

Ellen DeGeneres, followed by Rosie O'Donnell, made huge inroads into the public consciousness when they announced they are gay (Insidesocal.com, 2010). The very famous A-list celebrities broke down walls that continue to make a difference to gay folk everywhere; however, they were not characters in a scripted show.

Although Jack was likely the first principal character on a network television show, any other single character would have increased the number of gay folks on television by 100%.  Out of the thousands of characters that populate the small screen, one character accounted for a miniscule percentage of returning characters.  Today, gay people are showing up all over network television, including on "Modern Family," "Glee," "GRΣΣK," and "The Office." Based on conservative estimates that 10% of the population identifies as gay, the number of characters on television still does not reflect the actual segment of the population that exists in the United States.

The concept that these characters are promoting homosexuality is like saying BET is promoting being Black, or Turner Classic Movies is promoting living in the past.  How does that even happen?  A person is who he or she is.  He may appreciate another culture, or even emulate that culture, but there is no way to change who one is.  If a young man or young woman is straight, watching gay characters on television will not make them gay, any more than watching straight characters since the inception of television in 1930s made any of the gay folk straight.  If an individual is gay, these characters may provide an open door to his or her own truth, making it easier to admit that truth to others.  This can only be healthy for that person in the long run.

More appropriately, what we are seeing is gay people more accurately reflected, not promoted, in the media.  Gay characters are identified as loving individuals and couples, having children through birth or adoption, and living ordinary lives for the most part.  What some people are afraid of is that gay people will be viewed as "normal" by the masses.  If these characters are promoting anything, it is the truth about the ongoing lives of gay folk that exists in our current society. 
_______________________

References:
Daemonstv.com (2009) [Mitch and Cameron]. Modern Family. Photograph. Retrieved from
http://www.daemonstv.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/modern-family-500x333.jpg

Insidesoccal.com (2010) [Time cover: Ellen DeGeneres]. "Out in Hollywood". Insidesocal.com.  Retrieved from http://www.insidesocal.com/outinhollywood/1101970414_400.jpg

Mediamum.files.wordpress.com (2009) [Will and Grace]. Mediamum files.wordpress.com. Photograph.  Retrieved from http://mediamum.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/will-and-grace.jpg

Mereditharnold.files.wordpress.com (2010) [Paul Lynde]. Mereditharnold.files.wordpress.com.  Retreived from http://mereditharnold.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/paul-lynde3.jpeg

Thedailyprofaner.com (2009) [Gay Family]. Thedailyprofaner.com. Retrieved from
http://thedailyprofaner.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/gay-family.jpg

(1971) Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary. G. & C. Merrian Co. Chicago, Illinois. p. 682


(1971) Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary. G. & C. Merrian Co. Chicago, Illinois. p. 719
Wikipedia.com (2010) "List of television shows with LGBT characters." Wikipedia.com. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_television_shows_with_LGBT_characters

Thinking Back

For the first time in a very long time, something told me to look for the earliest entry in my journal for this date.  I came across this entry, dated September 8, 1993.

Mary and Dziadzia - September 8, 1993

"I just got back from the hospital where I held Mary Elizabeth for the first time.  What an incredible thing!  I held my graddaughter.  She's so beautiful.  I can hardly wait to have her home where we can take care of her.  I remember the feeling of being held by my grandfather, my Dziadzia.  I don't remember his person, because he died when I was very young, but I remember the unconditional love he gave me and it is that on which I have based my desire to love everyone unconditionally.  I also saw my father as a Dziadzia, and the love he gave to my children, and [my brother,] David's children.  I have seen my Papa, Grandfather Herrera, and how he loves so simply  and completely.  These role models are worth emulating.  Maybe I can compile these qualities to be the best grandfather that I can be.  Maybe not the best ever, but the best I can do.  I am really tired, so I think I will stop now, but know that I am peacful and joyful.  It is a wonderful thing!  She is a wonderful, beautiful child and she has filled me with peace now that she has been in my arms.  Big tisses, Mary Lillabits."

After reading this entry, I remembered that I had written a description of her birth from my perspective.  She had asked me to do so as a part of an exercise for her classwork a couple of years ago. 

"It was a beautiful fall day in River Park. Your Mom and I decided to go for a long walk. Your mother seemed to have a lot of energy at the time, so our walk got longer and longer. Apparently, it was too long, because it wasn’t much later that your mother went into labor.

"Your Mom and Dad were living with me in the home we’d lived in for sixteen years at the time.  They had been living in an apartment in the South Area of Sacramento, but the area was not very safe and the closer it got to your birth, the more I felt it was better that they come stay with me. Finally, after a lot of convincing, they agreed.

Raven-of-Strong-Flight

"When your mother said she was feeling labor pains, we took her into the hospital to be checked out by the doctor. The doctor said that Ana was in labor and that she would have to go into the hospital. It was several weeks too early and we were concerned. We knew that when a baby is born too early, the child’s lungs wouldn’t be fully developed and the risk to his or her well-being was very high.

"The doctors said they might have been able to stop the labor, but the amniotic fluid that surrounded you in the womb had broken and was leaking. That put you at risk of infection since you were no longer surrounded by the protection of the sac that held the amniotic fluid. They said you had to be delivered at that point.

"Your mom’s labor began subsiding, but they felt it was necessary to induce the labor again, so they started your mom on pitocin. They kept increasing the medication to such a level that your mother was having one long, painful labor pain without any break in between. Normally, contractions, which is where the muscles flex around the mother’s uterus to get the baby out, go for a few seconds, and then she has a few minutes rest. Well, you and your mom didn’t have that rest. I finally had to insist that the doctors stop the pitocin. When they did, labor went on as normal and your birth went on as would be expected. The problem is that your mother had been in labor for nearly three days by this time. She had been in a lot of pain and she was so very tired. One must remember that your mother was only 17 years old when all of this was happening. It had to be really hard for her to deal with.

"Everyone was there at different times to support your Mom and you. Your Dad were there, of course, and I was there most of the time. Your uncles, J.D., John and Michael and Aunt Rita stayed with your mother for a lot of the time. I must say, your Uncle John wouldn’t leave your mother’s side. Even when everyone was told to get out of the room, John would go and sit outside in the hall. Grandma Barbara and Grandma Florabelle were there quite a bit, also, because they didn’t want to miss your birth. Even Grandpa Tom was in the waiting room.  When it was time for you to make your arrival, they wheeled your mother into the birthing suite and there was quite a crowd. Mom and Dad and all four of your grandparents were there, as well as the hospital staff. I was your Mom’s birthing coach, so I took the lead in helping your Mom deliver you.

The Glica Family - 1993
Top: John, James, James David
Bottom: Michael, Mary, Ana, Rita, and Michael (photo)

"A few pushes and you were here. Five pounds, ten ounces of beautiful baby. You cried a little bit, but as I looked over at you, you began turning purple. I knew what that meant immediately. You weren’t breathing very well. Your mother didn’t hear you crying, so she asked what was happening. The doctor said, they were just checking you out. When it was clear that you were having difficulties, they told your mother what was happening. It wasn’t long before they took you to the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit (NNICU). That is where newborn babies go when there are serious problems with their health.

"Your lungs hadn’t fully developed yet. Your mother wasn’t able to produce enough milk to feed you and so they eventually had to start gavaging you, which meant they put a tube down your throat and made sure you were getting milk.

"You little body was struggling so hard, but it was getting more and more tired. You got down to four pounds, fifteen ounces during your stay, so they could not let us bring you home. You were receiving around the clock oxygen through a respirator since you were not able to breathe on your own.

"By all accounts, it appeared you were dying. We wouldn’t have any part of that, however. We knew from the time when Aunt Rita had cancer as a young baby, that we had to pray.

"Everyone was praying for you, of course, but your mother and I decided to go into the NNICU and pray together with you. Your mother put her right hand on your head and her left hand on your feet, I put my hands on hers and we began praying. We offered your spirit to God and asked that he choose what course your life should go. It was in that moment we had to let go of you into God’s hands. It was also in that moment that you started to get better.

"Soon, you were gaining weight, you came off the respirator and we finally got to hold you. One of my favorite pictures is the photo I have of me holding you for the first time in the NNICU. It was a picture we didn’t know we’d ever be able to take.

L-R David, James, Ray, Ana, and Mary

"Modern medicine and prayer are what brought you back to us. God guided our hands at every step. I really believe that, Mary.

"Everyone responded differently while you were ill. Some people, like your Grandma Barbara tried to keep your Mom’s spirits up. Some left us alone to work on taking care of you. I believe we were all afraid we would lose you and the natural tendency to panic kicked in for some. They didn’t know what to do. We had never faced anything like this before.

"We found out that you had a hole in your heart that they said would correct itself as you got older. Your lungs would grow enough eventually to get you off the respirator and soon they would allow us to take you home. We had gone through a very tough ordeal, but as a family, and through prayer, we got through it together.

"It challenged us and we met the challenge. You showed us just how strong you would be in that time. It was for that reason I also named you in the Native American tradition, Raven of Strong Flight after I found the Raven feather the day before you got off the respirator."

James with seven of his grandchildren,
L-R Nathaniell, Ray, Emily, Jacob, Mary, Justin, and Christian

Grandparenthood started for me when I was very young; 34 to be exact.  Of course, this has been the pattern for my birthfamily for at least seven generations. My grandmother became at great-great-grandmother when Mary was born and she was only 70.  I must believe that although we've each had our challenges as parents, the fulfillment for them must have been as wonderful as it has been for me. 

Since Mary's birth, I've been blessed by 10 grandchildren, all of which came before I was 50.  I give thanks to our Divine Creator for blessing me with such an abundance of love from my wonderful grandchildren.  I especially remember my Mary Lillabits for starting the ball rolling 17 years ago.

I love you, Mary.

Love,

Dziadzia

Sexuality vs. Love

Author's Note:  This blog is reprinted from my previous blogsite published at Powodzenia.wordpress.com on June 3, 2010.  With the debate raging about marriage relative to procreation and sex, I was encouraged to rethink our language in this topic.   

As we continue having debates regarding rights, freedoms, and full citizenship for people in same-gender relationships, we may want to conserve our energy and make our discussions more efficient and accurately reflective of every type of relationship.

As I watched Current TV, the channel developed by former vice-president Al Gore, and Illinois senator, Al Franken (D), I heard a woman say that these debates, especially those going toward the U.S. Supreme Court, are made more challenging because the word sex is involved. The word to which she was referring was, ”Homosexuality.”

If it’s really an issue, why not use a different word? The Latin word, “homo,” means, “same.” “Hetero,” mean “different.” The Latin root, “amor,” means, “love.”

Homoamorous means two people of the same gender love one another.

Heteroamorous means two people of different genders love one another.

So, why not change the word. It’s not as though we’re using ancient or sacred words to describe our relationships. “Homosexuality” was coined on May 6, 1869 by Karoly Maria Benkert, a 19th Century Hungarian physician, who first broke with traditional thinking when he suggested that people are born homosexual and that it is unchangeable. With that belief as his guide, he fought the Prussian legal code against homosexuality that he described as having ”repressive laws and harsh punishments (Conrad and Angel, 2004).”

One would suspect that Dr. Benkert would appreciate this change in lexicon so that we change our focus in this debate from sex to love. John and Frank are not two people in sex. They are two people in love. Deborah and Sheila are not two women who spend their lives sexing each other, they are two women loving each other. This is especially true because homosexuality has been demedicalized in so many ways.

If we’re going to have to have this debate in the first place, let’s speak accurately about the people involved. We are homoamorous people. We are two people of one gender who are in love. Those in opposite gender relationships are heteroamorous.

How complicated can that be? If I were to approach someone and ask them if they’d like a slice of bread, their first question is likely, “What kind is it?” As a people, we love clarity. Homosexuality and heterosexuality are simply not clear enough terms for the breadth of our relationship. Homoamorosity and heteroamorosity are clear winners when it comes to describing the relationships with which I am most familiar.

Sexuality is an important, if not a terribly time consuming part of most marriage relationships. It helps motivate our interest in a particular person whose gender is consistent with what we prefer; however, that, too, is not always the case.

Is it unthinkable that two people can have a relationship that is purely emotional in form, without sex, who continue to love one another nonetheless? Ask many people who are of a certain age.

Homoamorosity and heteroamorosity are not only options for the terms homosexuality and heterosexuality, they might even be the preferred forms given their more emotionally inclusive qualities.

My mother used to say, when trying to get the direct truth out of me, “Jim, call a spade a spade.” Although I never played bridge, from which this term comes, I knew what she meant. Name something as it is. I now get that message all the more clearly.

Thanks, Mom.
__________________________

References:

2010, Plato.stanford.edu. Retrieved from http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/homosexuality/

Conrad, P., & Angell, A. (2004). Homosexuality and remedicalization. Society, 41(5), 32-39. Retrieved from Academic Search Complete database.

Craigslist as Intermediary Procurer?

There was a time when I recall washing machines in people's homes that still had to be hand-cranked.  Others had electric ones that just needed to be set and forgotten until the bell rang.  Automated teller machines came along shortly after microwave ovens as television remotes, the wired kind, developed at about the same time.  People are simply creative.  Now, in our Electronic Age, we have passive e-pimps such as Craigslist doing what used to be done by fedora-wearing, gold chain emblazoned men on street corners. Perhaps that isn't nearly as damaging as the serious allegations that under-aged children are being sold into sexual service on Craigslist as well.

Seventeen attorneys general from around the country have written to Craigslist CEO Jim Buckmaster, and  founder Craig Newmark (see left), to request the removal of the adult services section on Craigslist.  Three attorneys general have added their voices the letter as well.  This advertising section, it is alleged, permits people to sell their sexual services to adults seeking sex.  The larger problem is that the services of young girls are also trafficked online in this same site.

As long as the internet has been functioning, there have been sexual ads of all types available.  Prostitutes in the guise of masseuses and masseures, escorts, fetishists, and dates, have been promoting their services in a huge variety of sites.  Pimps have been offering their employees' services in the same way.  The difference here is that Craigslist is acting as an intermediary giving tacit approval for these activities through neglect and silence on the matter.  They are not placing the ads, but they are providing the unfettered bulletin board.  The greatest concern is that young girls and boys, under the age of consent, are advertised as commodities for adults' pleasure in these ads.

Prostitution is unseemly, illegal in most places in the country, and for some, a sin.  With that being said, this particular branch of the service industry is flourishing.  Men, who make up what is a lion's share of the customer/john population (why else would they be called, "johns?"), have been using these types of services since time immemorial.  As I was doing online genealogical research for information on San Francisco during the 1870s, I found multiple census postings for "brothel owner" and "prostitute" in the space designated for type of employment.  There is a reason it is called the world's oldest profession.

The real question is, how responsible should Craigslist be for these ads?  The issue is not whether prostitution ads can be found on Craigslist, it is how we, as a society, stop the selling of young girls and boys into illicit service?

Newmark has previously indicated to the press that Craigslist is very responsible when it comes to ads on their service.  They review each ad for appropriateness and remove those that are suspect.  It has been alleged that this has not been done, even to a minimal extent (CNN.com, 2010).   

It is interesting that thus far, the administration at Craigslist has not invoked their First Amendment right of free speech for their clients.  It is likely that this is because they would be defending an illegal activity that is promoted on their site and abhorrant to the general public.  If they had reviewed their ads more effectively to ensure young people are not involved, they might have had a leg to stand on; however, as it is, they simply decided to close that section of the ads.  The adult services section, previously known as erotic services, now has a placard reading "censored."  The censorship, however, is only in the United States since the section is still available in other countries.

Anyone who has ever been on Craigslist knows that they have personal ads, some of which are very graphic.  There is little doubt that these sections will soon be filled with the ads for paid sex, using increasingly subtle language to get their message across. "Generous man sought for enjoyable evening of pleasure with young lovely," may be the language du jour.  Without a large staff dedicated to review each and every ad, this free service will never see a time without prostitution showing up in amongst their ads.  To avoid being closed down all together, they may want to take this issue much more seriously because beyond their business concerns, our children are being sold to profit adults who have no regard for the health and safety of our children.  Does Craigslist really want to be painted with this same brush, too?
____________________________

References: 

CNN Wire Staff (2010) "Critic praises Craigslist move to censor ads, calls for more info." CNN.com Justice. Retrieved from http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/09/05/craigslist.censored/index.html

Scaryforkids.com (2010) [Frightened teen girl] http://www.scaryforkids.com/. Photograph. Retrieved from http://www.scaryforkids.com/pics/babysitter.jpg

SFGate.com (2010) [Censored Adult Services] sfgate.com. Digital Photograph.  Retrieved from http://imgs.sfgate.com/blogs/images/sfgate/techchron/2010/09/03/CraigslistCensored.jpg

SFGate.com (2009) [Craig Newmark and Jim Buckmaster in front of Craigslist.org] SFGate.com. Photograph. Retrieved from http://www.sfgate.com/blogs/images/sfgate/techchron/2009/03/20/Craigslist_EBay-

After Some Thought on Proposition 8

It must seem unfathomable that a writer who would be directly impacted by Judge Vaughn Walker's ruling on Proposition 8 in California would wait an entire month to put his thoughts down about the event.  Perhaps as it is with the gravity of the ruling itself, the weight of my thoughts required a thoughtful approach to this concern.

On August 4, 2010, Judge Walker ruled in the California's Third District Court of Appeals that there was no reason to allow Proposition 8, the California law that prohibits consenting, unrelated people over the age of majority, gay folk in particular, to stand.  The ruling effectively permits all eligible people to marry regardless of their genders.  Although the door appeared to be flung wide open, Judge Walker wisely approved a stay of his decision awaiting a decision by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Jerry Brown whether they would appeal the decision in the United States Court of Appeals, Ninth Circuit.  When the word was released that neither State official was willing to make that appeal, the defendent-intervenors such as the Pacific Justice Institute approached the Ninth Circuit to request permission to appeal on their own, which is currently awaiting a hearing, most likely transpiring in November 2010.

In November, most likely after the election, a decision will be made whether the defendent-intervenors can appeal.  If they cannot, then it is clear they will attempt to take the case to the United States Supreme Court.  If the Justices determine that the case will not be heard before them, then Judge Walker's final decision will stand. 

Between the cases in Massachusetts regarding the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and the Proposition 8 case in California, the country is facing what it believes to be a cultural shift of monumental proportions.  It cannot be understated that when we define marriage as a legal contract between two people regardless of gender, it is a significant change in perception.  The irony, of course, is that we are behind the rest of the world in this process.  As Americans, we are once again under the misapprehension that until we make a decision like this, it hasn't really happened.  Our arrogance is unmatched around the globe.  The Netherlands has had marriage equality since 2000.  We are not breaking new ground.

Why is it that countries as diverse as The Netherlands, South Africa, Iceland, and Argentina, have found their way to recognize full marriage rights for all their citizens and the United States is still behaving as though we are trying to take something away from a specific segment of the population by providing rights to all citizens?  Could it be our Puritan background?  Not likely since the Puritans were so revolutionary as to believe they had such an innate freedom of religion that they moved across the Atlantic Ocean to build a society in which their personal freedoms were recognized.  This was during the 16th and 17th centuries.  Now, of course, we have other groups asking for the same freedoms and recognition of their belief systems, and our "as it's always been done" powerbase is attempting to deny those freedoms.

The tide is changing.  During the 1960s, when President Lyndon B. Johnson prepared to sign the Civil Rights Act, people began separating themselves from the discriminatory stance they had held for so long because they didn't want to be part of the losing team, members of which included the Ku Klux Klan.  Today, centrist Republicans are beginning to choose equality instead of discrimination.  Slowly, people are recognizing they will be the losers in a battle of wisdom and awakening.  That's not a good place to find oneself, especially if one is facing an upcoming election.

At a personal level, I know that in 100 years, equality in marriage will be as accepted by the majority as equal right for the races is today.  Our great-great-grandchildren will wonder what the fuss was all about.  Grandpa Tom and his husband, Papa Cal, are like a lot of other people's grandparents.  The economy will flourish with extravagent weddings between homoamorous people.  They will no longer be called gay weddings, they'll just be weddings.  Forms will say, "Spouse 1" and "Spouse 2."  In 100 years, we will have settled into our comfort zone about equality, and there will be less room for discrimination against any other people.  Perhaps it is my American idealism that leads me to believe in these joyful dreams.  If history is any indicator, we will find someone else against whom to focus our disgust and animosity; however, I hope not. 
______________________

References:

Advocate.com (2010) [Marriage rings and map of Argentina] Retrieved from http://www.advocate.com/uploadedImages/ARGENTINA_MARRIAGEX390.jpg.

Hoan, Tony (2009) [Defend Equality, Love Unites]. My portfolio.usc.edu. Graphic art. Retrieved from http://myportfolio.usc.edu/tonyhoan/6a00d8341c730253ef010535ee7bfe970b-640wi.jpg.

LaVictoire, Bridgette P. (2010, September 9) "California governor and attorney general not required to appeal Walker ruling."  Lezgetreal.com. Retrieved from http://lezgetreal.com/2010/09/californias-governor-and-attorney-general-not-requires-to-appeal-walker-ruling/.

Mintz, Howard (2010) "Federal judge strikes down California's ban on same-sex marriage."  San Jose Mercury News, MercuryNews.com.  Retrieved on September 5, 2010 from  http://www.mercurynews.com/breaking-news/ci_15677407?nclick_check=1.

Rinaldi, Richard (2005) [William and Roy]. http://www.renaldi.com/. Gay and Lesbian Elderly. Photograph, Black & White.  Retrieved from  http://www.renaldi.com/portfolio/williamandroy.jpg on September 5, 2010.

Clinical Depression in the Busy

There are many forms and levels of depression.  It sometimes affects women differently than men.  Everyone from children to the elderly are subject to it.  It can have an acute cause and be temporary, or it can be chronic, lasting years and sometimes a lifetime. For some, it seems to come when one is at the busiest times of one's life.

For those of us with mild depression, especially as a component of bipolar disorder, it can be challenging to know what to do to treat it.  There are those of us who experience the manic highs and the depressed lows regularly and then there are those who have extended periods of functional living with specific lifts and dips.  When one has a mild form of bipolar disorder, the functionality of one's mentation creates an illusion of normalcy.  It allows those with the diagnosis to temporarily believe they are cured, or at least strong enough to deal with it on its own. 

Sometimes it can be suddenly set off by a stressful event, a physical illness, hormonal changes, or just as a natural part of the cycle between the poles of the disorder.  This time, I think my depression has been enhanced by my recent acute respiratory illness and several extremely stressful events over the last year.  The feelings of sadness and isolation have no rhyme or reason, especially for one who has the most amazing group of loved ones as I do.  And, there's the rub.  The depression doesn't make sense.  Although there is no specific reason for it to manifest, it does nonetheless.  The irony is that it can sometimes appear when one is genuinely happy with the rest of one's life.  This is the way it is for me right now. 

From past experience, I know that these feelings will pass.  I will retreat into my quiet space to recover physically and emotionally.  I will do whatever I can to create success around me.  I will function at the highest level possible for me right now since there really is no time in business to feel unproductive.  I will reach out to those closest to me... eventually... to let them know what's happening.  For some reason, shedding light on my polarities seems to make the shadows disappear. 

I don't take medications because as an artist those highs and lows make a difference to my creativity; at least, that's the story within which I've been living for many years.  I've tried drug, talk, and group therapies.  I've tried exercise and meditation.  The thing that seems to work the best for me is telling myself the truth of what is happening, and then telling someone I trust.

Often, I wonder if my ego helps bring me out of my blue periods, as I call them.  Once I say I am depressed to someone, I suddenly realize I don't want to be perceived that way by anyone, so my social self-preservation chemistry kicks in and I improve.  Although as someone who has been an Education Committee chairperson, trained to know that there should be no stigma to mental illness, those tapes from childhood about "crazy people" may work to my advantage.  I would never refer to anyone else in those terms, but in the privacy of my own mind, that difficult language pushes me toward recovery.

The truth is, though, that I do get tired of feeling like this.  It is exhausting hiding the grey skies in my heart while putting on the sunniest face possible to those I love.  I never intend to deceive anyone.  I only do this to prevent them from the burden of my challenges.  Everyone I know has burdens of their own.  They certainly don't need to worry about me in addition.  I'm the one to whom most people turn for support and nurture.  The loving smile, perceived wisdom, and eloquent language people have reflected they see in me is something on which others count. I can't say the number of times I've heard, "Jim, you're a rock!"

The problem is that this rock has a few cracks.  Sometimes I need someone to take my hand and tell me it's going to be o.k.  It would be wonderful to have someone find the right words to comfort me so that I can be the one who needs.  Most often, though, people become disquieted to think I need emotional support.  It's as though some part of their foundation is weakened when I stumble.  I know it's not completely true, but in their eyes, I can see there is a grain of truth there.

So, here I sit, trying to remember that the glimmer of light behind this rock is a warming break of dawn and not chilling sunset.  I work very hard at imagining a more joyful day coming, trying to look forward to something I have not yet imagined.  My faith in the Divine Essence helps a great deal in focusing my self-healing energy.  Perhaps that choice more than anything else tends to bring me out of my doldrums, my imagination of what could be possible and my trust that if I dream it, it could come true. 

Perhaps it's simpler than that.  As the lyrics in Rodgers and Hammerstein's Sound of Music remind me, "I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad." 
____________________________

References:

Astressfreeyou.com (2010) [Depressed man]. Astressfreeyou.com. Photograph. Retrieved from http://astressfreeyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/depressed-man.jpg

Chris-Barbara (2009, June) [The rock at dawn]. Travelpod.com. Digital photograph. Australia. Retrieved from http://images.travelpod.com/users/chris-barbara/1.1245891100.the-rock-at-dawn.jpg

Tufts.edu (2007) [Beekers of chemicals]. Ase.tufts.edu. Photograph. Retrieved from http://ase.tufts.edu/premedsociety/Old%20Site/chemistry.jpg

Today is the Day for New Dreams

As I was thumbing through my AARP, The Magazine, the periodical dedicated to those of us who are more than 50, I stumbled across a sidebar article by Chris Gardner, the subject of the movie, The Pursuit of Happyness (2010, September/October, p72).  The article, entitled, "Starting from Scratch at 51," was Gardner's answer to a fellow who felt his identity was put in question because he changed careers after 50.  Gardner reminded the reader that Ray Krok started McDonald's restaurants when he was older than that.  He went on to quote Martin Luther King, Jr., who said, "You don't have to see the whole staircase.  Just take the first step."

This article synthesized thoughts I'd been having recently about conversations people in Sacramento and Woodland have addressed to me about singing.  These folks, some in their 50s and 60s, were contemplating taking singing lessons with me.  They were reluctant to begin because they feel that they should have started earlier in their lives.  I tried to explain to them that it's never too late to learn.  In fact, my tag line for my company, Sacramento Vocal Music, is "Sacramento Vocal Music... Where Everybody Sings!"

The question is, when is it too late to dream?  I suggested that the correct answer is, "Never!"  One of the qualities that carry us to this point in our lives is our ability to creatively keep ourselves engaged.  During our work history, we've had to problem-solve, find our work enjoyable, learn new things, and insist on diversity.  If we hadn't done so, our brains would be mush from the sheer boredom of our existence.  Even if we work in a job that is repetitive and not as fulfilling as we'd like, we have hobbies and activities that allow for our thought processes and emotional experiences to take flight.

"Fear and creativity cannot coexist!"  This is something I've taught every class that has ever been in front of me.  If we are afraid to try something new, putting our heart and soul into the experience, we will always wonderful, "What if..?"  We will always stand behind those who are in the forefront of the experience, watching, perhaps waiting our turn, and possibly never getting the chance to see if we can succeed.  The most difficult part of this scenario is that this way of life can become a pattern for us as we do our jobs, come home and watch television, seeing others do what we've only dreamed of doing. 

For those of us over 50, we must think to ourselves, "It's too early for my rocking chair and shawl."  The truth is, it must always be too early for those symbols of old age. 

My great-uncle Gene is 103 years old.  His skin is nearly as smooth as mine.  He still speaks with a surprising animation in his voice although his eyesight and hearing are deteriorating.  Uncle Gene was the oldest living member of the San Francisco Musician's Union to still be playing when he was in his 90s.  Although he didn't play much at that time, he kept his chops up with his trusty tenor saxophone.  He'd been playing the sax since the late-1910s, giving concerts to his chums sitting on old tires behind his house after school.  Music is his passion.  On top of everything else, this amazing man still golfs. 

When Uncle Gene talks about playing gigs at the Fairmont and other San Francisco landmarks with Count Basie, Jerry Lester, and Billie Holliday, in the presence of boxing great, Max Baer (see photo at left: (L-R) Gene Herrera, Max Baer, two unidentified men), and others, his eyes sparkle with the memories.  Even after the jazz and swing eras ended and gigs dried up for him, and he had to go to work in another field, he continued to play when he could.  He never regretted having the history he did. 

As I reflected on Uncle Gene's stories, I realized he has stories to tell because he chose to live with a capital "L" for his entire life.  I laughed when two things became clear: 1.  At 51, I am about half Uncle Gene's age; and 2. I have the genes to live as long as he has.  Perhaps it is those genes that inspired me to return to college to finish my degree in Communications at 50.

There are thousands of examples of people living their dreams, started both before and after 50.  These are life choices we face throughout our time on this planet.  Why do we wait for singing lessons, or golf lessons, or to pick up a paint brush or dance shoes, or even change careers to do what we feel passionate about?  Why do we deny ourselves the joy of these experiences?  What tapes are playing in our heads that prevent us from hurtling headlong toward a new horizon?  Whatever they are, they must be pushed out of the way so that when we are 103, which is increasingly more likely with the developments of modern medicine, we, too, can say, "I've had my version of joy!" 
____________________________

References:

Gardner, Chris. (2010). "Starting from scratch at 51." AARP, The Magazine. Nancy Perry Graham, Editor and President, American Association of Retired Persons, Washington, D.C. September/October. p. 74.

Glica-Hernandez, James (2008) [Uncle Gene and Me]. Private collection. Digital Photograph.

Herrera, Eugene (1947) [Eugene Herrera, Max Baer, and Others] Private collection. Photograph.
 
Sacramento Vocal Music. (2010). SacramentoVocalMusic.com. Retrieved from http://SacramentoVocalMusic.com/

Tim Thumb (2010) [Divergent Roads] Careerjockey.org. Graphic. Retrieved from: http://www.careerjockey.org/wp-content/themes/arthemia/scripts/timthumb.php

Dr. Laura's Broader Message

Dr. Laura Schlessinger has a large following of listeners for her radio program.  Her devoted fans believe she offers advice that is full of tough love and expressions of vivid opinion.  To others, she is also an excellent example of the entitlement and arrogance some Americans have, no matter what their personal histories may include.  I have a special interest in Dr. Laura because our paths crossed indirectly many years ago. 

Dr. Laura's on-air use of the n-word recently brought to light once again her blind disregard for someone else's feelings as she spoke with an African-American woman who was seeking guidance from this 1974 Columbia University PhD in physiology, not psychology or psychiatry.  Considering her doctoral thesis was about insulin, I might trust her more with my blood sugar levels than with my life crises.  Her history on the radio has been reflected on the political right as dynamic and outspoken.  From the left, she is often described as cruel, racist, and backward. 

Her current right-wing values are apparently set in stone to counteract the effects from, as she has described, an unloving, dysfunctional, mixed Jewish-Roman Catholic childhood in Brooklyn, New York.  It seems that she has idealized what she perceives as a perfect life, and anything that doesn't reflect that dreamworld is horrible and wrong, including mixed marriages ("If you can't handle it, you shouldn't have married outside your race.") to gays and lesbians (homosexuality is a "biological error."), to uncomfortable personal histories ("A hypocrit is someone who says, 'Do as I say, not as I do.'  A teacher is someone who says, "Do as I say, not as I did.'").

With her history of being a participant in an extramarital affair, nude photographs, vitriolic rants, and examples of personal human frailties and dichotomies, one would assume that she would be sensitive to others' challenging life experiences.  Rather, it seems she has taken her difficult personal history, criticized herself into a pulp about it, and decided to punish everyone else for their similar shortcomings in the process.  She does all this with a marriage and family counseling certificate from California that expires in February 2011.  She has avoided lawsuits by calling her radio show a, "moral health program," and not a psychological help program. 

That isn't to say Dr. Laura hasn't done wonderful things.  She has participated in charity work, been active in important public discussions, and offered support to those who think like she does.  Does her message, though, offset all those good works?

 In 2001, Dr. Laura received a call from a parent whose child was in my class.  She was upset over a choice I had made that removed lyrics from a piece of music that referred to God. 

We were doing a holiday concert in December, and one of the songs I had selected was, "Let There Be Peace," words and music by Sy Miller and Jill Jackson.  In the arrangement I used, there were words that read, "... with God as our father, brothers all are we."  There were also alternate lyrics offered that were not christian-based.  As a teacher in a public school, I chose to use the more secular version of the song.  The parent called Dr. Laura to express her upset and find out what she should do.  The discussion garnered calls from various people demanding that I return to the original lyrics. 

I was called into my administrator's office, explained my reasoning, and told him that I would not change it back.  He was completely supportive of my arguments of inclusion and non-sectarian lyrics.  We used the alternate lyrics in the concert.  For one brief and shining moment, I was a topic on Dr. Laura.  All I could think at the time, "Is this really all these people have to worry about?"  It was, after all, only three months after the attack on the Twin Towers in New York City on  9/11. 

There is a division between church and state.  All men [people] are created equal.  People have free will.  People have the freedom of choice in speech, religion, and politics in the United States of America.  I wonder if someone will tell Dr. Laura soon.  It seems she hasn't heard these pieces of news. 

When she was interviewed on Larry King Live on CNN.com, she expressed her apology for using the n-word 11 times to a Black woman on air.  She then went on to say people should have a sense of humor and not be so hypersensitive to others' comments.  She simply doesn't understand that she lives in a country full of "others."  Perhaps, now that she is leaving her radio show to pursue regaining her First Amendment rights, she'll have time to figure it out; but, I doubt it.

______________________________________
   
References:

(2010) "Laura Schlessinger." Wikipedia. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Schlessinger

Miller, S.; Johnson, J. (2010) "Let There Be Peace." Choral work. Carl Fischer Publishing. SAB Version. Retrieved from  http://g.sheetmusicplus.com/Look-Inside/covers/4386196.jpg

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2010) Getty Images.  Retrieved from http://en.terra.com/addon/img/c79d9a-dr-laura-schlessinger-wordp.jpg

To Watch Seven Pass

In my lifetime, I've seen people from seven generations of my family move on in their journey from this life to the next.  From my great-great-grandfather, Lorenzo Herrera, to my grandchild who was lost in a miscarriage, I've had to carry their memories forward as fewer and fewer people were still here to remember them with me.  It is sometimes a heavy burden.  Most often, though, it is one I carry proudly and with a sense of honor. 

Those who remain with me on the planet are my rocks.  They anchor me to my present in important ways; however, once in a while, on days like today, my vision moves toward those who are now gone from sight, but never forgotten. 

So, to you on the other side of the veil, I send my love and loneliness.  To you on this side, I offer my gratitude and joy.  As for me, I will continue to straddle the two, hearing the songs on both sides of the window; some only an echoing resonance from years gone by, and others, full of laughter and tomorrows.
_________________________

Photo:

Freeman, O.C. (2009) "Let the veil." The Freeman View.  Photograph.  Retrieved from http://thefreemanview.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/let_the-veil02.jpg

Hilobrow (2010) "Graveyard." Hilobrow.com  Photograph.  Retrieved from http://hilobrow.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/graveyard_scrn01.jpg

Small Things

I work very hard, as most people do, to do the right thing.  I aspire to do more for others, but often do not reach the expectations I hold for myself.  I focus on being grateful for everything I have and believe that if I have two beans, one is for someone else, unless they are very hungry, then she can have the other one, too.  Today, though, I am even more deeply humbled by the multiple messages I have received from asynchronous places today. 

In Bel Air, where I do my shopping, I picked up a couple of hair products, some batteries, and CDs on which to copy important files from my computer.  The grapes looked good, so I selected a bag of those, along with some pork chops and printer paper.  As I walked to the check-out stand, I happened across a special commemorative edition of Time magazine dedicated to Mother Teresa, the late head of the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, India.  In the introduction, Rick Warren (2010), from whom I've heard several disagreeable things, quoted Mother Teresa.  These were the words of the woman whose 100th birthday was celebrated on the cover of this magazine:

          "God doesn't ask us to do great things. He asks us to do small things with great love."

                                                                   ~ Mother Teresa

When I read these words, I began to cry.  I don't know why, quite honestly, but I did.  This concept of doing small works with intimate and abiding love overwhelmed my heart in a way that few things have done before.  The  concept, although heard in many ways before, changed the cells in my body.  My mind, heart, and spirit were affected.  This woman, born from parents in the same way we all were, who had changed the lives of countless people on the planet, suggested that it is through the seemingly momentary acts of kindness that we succeed in loving another person. 

It was merely minutes later, that I was online, preparing to write, that I stopped by Facebook and found an article by a woman named Geri (2010) that proclaimed that 40 billionaires, encouraged by Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, had agreed to give away a minimum of half their fortunes to charity.   This amount would be somewhere in the neighborhood of $115 billion... that's "billion" with a "b."  Cynics commented on the article about the groups to which this money was going, and the motivation behind the gifts.  The truth is, I didn't care why they were doing it.  As someone who has run a nonprofit organization, I know that $1,000 is $1,000, and it helps.   The thought that over $100 billion dollars is going to be distributed to benefit the poor, students, the arts, the environment, international relations, and any other missions of love available is tremendous!

Yet, Mother Teresa's words still resonated as I continued down my Facebook page until I read a posting from the Dalai Lama.  It read as follows:

"It is self-evident that a generous heart and wholesome actions lead to greater peace and that their negative counterparts bring undesirable consequences. Happiness arises from virtuous causes. If we truly desire to be happy, there is no other way to proceed but by way of virtue: it is the method by which happiness is achieved. And, we might add, that the basis of virtue, its ground, is ethical discipline." ~ Dalai Lama

These are simple lessons, really.  Live ethically.  Do for others.  Act in small and loving ways.  Yet, I was moved to tears because I feel as though I've fallen short in so many ways.  As I resolve to do better by remaining conscious of my interactions with others, making that extra step to serve, and by loving unconditionally, remembering that each person is my brother or sister, I hope I can take one small step farther in my journey, and that my path will include, in some small way, the love, generosity, and humility of so many remarkable people.

I have chosen to include quotes that hopefully will resonate in similar ways for others.  I offer these quotes out of love for you, and for my wish that you experience true joy, rich abundance, loving companionship, and ebullient health today and always.  Blessings to you always.

Lovingly,

James

To live a pure unselfish life, one must count nothing as one's own in the midst of abundance. ~ Buddha

Happiness is spiritual, born of truth and love. It is unselfish; therefore it cannot exist alone, but requires all mankind to share it. ~ Mary Baker Eddy

Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. ~ Lao Tzu

Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought. ~ Pope John Paul II

No one has ever become poor by giving. ~ Anne Frank

My life is my message. ~ Mohandas Gandhi  


References:

Brainyquotes.com (2010) Retrieved from http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/brotherhood_3.html

Dalai Lama (2010) "Virtue."  Facebook. Retrieved from http://www.facebook.com/DalaiLama

Dailymail.co.uk (2007, Aug) "Mother Teresa and Child" Daily Mail. Retrieved from http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/08_03/teresaDM2408_468x377.jpg

Geri (2010) "40 Billions Pledge to Give Away Half Their Wealth" goodnewsnetwork.org. Retrieved from http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/most-popular/general/40-billionaires-join-giving-pledge.html
 
SMH.com.au (2005) "Bill Gates and Warren Buffet" Retrieved from http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2005/11/07/warrenbuffett_wideweb__470x332,0.jpg
 
Warren, Rick (2010) "Mother Teresa at 100." Time. Special Commemorative Edition. Fraiman, R. Publisher, Time Home Entertainment, Inc., New York, NY p. 7.

Children's Pain

In a perfect world, children would not have to experience deep pain.  In a perfect world, children would have people surround them in love.  In a perfect world, children would recognize the value in themselves.

This is not a perfect world.

I just finished watching MTV's "If You Really Knew Me," a television program about a school-based program called Challenge Day.  Challenge Day is a one-day program when students are selected to participate in an event that provides them an opportunity to learn that they are not alone in their pain and concerns.  They learn to join together in unity to find healing through loving, healthy, and open relationships with their peers and families.  With this knowledge, and advancing wisdom, they learn how to go out into their communities and share that love with others in overt and committed ways.  It moved me.  It changed me.

On the Challenge Day webpage they have the following information:

Our Vision

Our vision is that every child lives in a world where they feel safe, loved and celebrated.

          Our Mission

The Challenge Day mission is to provide youth and their communities with experiential programs that demonstrate the possibility of love and connection through the celebration of diversity, truth, and full expression.

As someone who has experienced in his own family drug abuse, murder, suicide, alcoholism, sentencing to prison, teenage pregnancy, miscarriages, illness and disability, poverty, and issues surrounding race, sexuality, and culture, I know that most people are aware that these crises exist in our country, communities, and families.  Talking about these issues is like bringing sunlight to them, making the shadows of fear and loneliness disappear.

To all the young people, I ask that you watch this program.  When you are ready, hopefully sooner than later, take the brave step to talk to someone you trust about your issues.  Be honest about your sadness and concerns.  Know that you will be believed.  Most of all, know that you are not alone. 

To all the adults, I know we, as parents, teachers, clergy, medical professionals, and friends, do the best we can to address these issues; however, let there be no mistake that these challenges do exist in ways we can never imagine.  For many of us, in our attempt to take the best possible care of our children, we become busy, and things sometimes slip by.  In our attempt to appear strong for our children, we do not let them into the intimacy of our lives.  Sometimes, in our attempt to avoid facing these dilemmas, we live in denial of important issues.  After all, we are people, too.  We have fears, histories, and frailties just like anyone else.  Know that you, too, are not alone to deal with these issues.  In the same way our children can go to those they trust, we, too, must be able to find someone to whom we can be honest about those things that we are facing as well.

As a society, we are so busy trying to appear a certain way in public.  We hide so much of our lives so that others will not think less of us.  What we tend to forget is that we are all in this together.  We are brothers and sisters who must stand together in the face of all adversity.  Most importantly, we must assure our children that they have a whole, diverse community prepared to step up and buoy their hearts and spirits when they feel as though they are drowning from the stresses and fears they experience.

Thank you for everything you do for your/our children.  You are making a difference.  Friendship, family relations, and professional support are all vital to our families, including those of us who are the heads of our families. 

I hope you get as much out of this program as I did. 

______________________________

References:

Challenge Day. (2010). Challenge Day. Retrieved from http://www.challengeday.org/

Rulings on Two DOMA Cases

Judge Joseph Tauro, a federal judge in the Commonwealth of Massachussets, recently ruled on two cases regarding Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). In both instances, it was determined that this section of DOMA was unconstitutional by virtue of violations of not one, but two amendments to the Constitution.  In ruling that DOMA was contrary to the due process clause of the Fifth Amendment, equal protection under the law, and the Tenth Amendment, the right of states to make their own laws about marriage, and to have those laws recognized by the federal government, Judge Tauro opened another door toward recognizing inclusive marriage rights for both hetero- and homoamorous couples in the United States.  An excellent article on the details of these cases was written by Lisa Keen in Bay Windows, a large, New England periodical that caters to the LGBT community, entitled, "Doma decision released."

Although the response to the Fifth Amendment was vitally important because it recognizes the inequality among citizens of the U.S., the ruling on the Tenth Amendment held the greatest movement forward.  By stating that state laws that were not otherwise contraindicated by federal law must be recognized by the federal government, homoamorous couples could be recognized by the federal government as married.  Recognizing all marriages as valid at the federal level will provide greater weight to the discussion supporting inclusive marriage.

The U.S. Court of Appeals and the U.S. Supreme Court are still ahead in the battle for marriage equality.  There is nothing wrong with due process.  One of the best ways to communicate change is to define one's terms.  Marriage is... Marriage is not...  These blanks must be filled in at the legislative, judiciary, and social levels to be effective. 

As California awaits the ruling on Proposition 8 in San Francisco, this timely message comes as yet another ray of hope for those who so deeply desire to marry the person they love.  It seems that slowly, the term "gay marriage" is being replaced by "marriage equality" and "inclusive marriage."  This is an important delineation because at the legal level, there should only be one "marriage." 

The cases before the courts right now relate only to civil marriages.  In 2010, every marriage in this country that is found in a state's Bureau of Vital Statistics is a civil marriage.  Although it may be performed by a minister and sanctified by a church, the marriage license itself is for a civil marriage, not a religious one.  Our nation is beginning to understand this concept.  Lawmakers, judges, and voters can no more legislate faith than religious leaders can determine law.  Communist countries legislate religious practice.  Theocracies allow religious tenets to directly affect law.  Although there is a morality to our laws, the United States is a republic that practices democracy.  U.S. citizens have the best seat in the house to see that difference at a national level right now, and it looks good.

The Other Privacy Matters of Facebook

"My father has cancer."  "John Doe's relationship status has changed."  "I got soooo drunk last night." 

In Dunsmuir, where I was reared, there were certain matters people talked about and subjects we simply didn't.  If someone was inebriated, one did not share that with the entire town.  It was sometimes weeks before our family learned that a couple was having serious difficulties.  It was months before we learned of someone's illness. Oh, there was gossip, of course, not unlike Norman Rockwell's print (right); but, most people kept family matters private until they had to address it in a more public forum.  Facebook™, and its cousins, Twitter™, MySpace™, and other social networking sites, have changed all that.

What is the right balance of information to share on a public forum?  There are several arguments that make sense.

Sharing everything that goes on in one's life provides that individual with a community of people who care for, and support, that person during their most difficult passages.  The death of a loved one, accidents, and disappointments are all burdens that may feel a little lighter because of the outpouring of love received from others.  There is less awkwardness after a public announcement like that.  We know what happened, and the person who posted knows we know what happened, so we can discuss it openly.  The same effect is seen during our triumphs.  Notes of congratulations and celebration are posted with emoticons and photos of happy puppies.  On Facebook™, there are very few secrets anymore.  Nearly everything seems available for public consumption. 

On the other hand, are there subjects that should remain inside the home?  News often affects others, as well as the one posting the information.  Has the posting agent consulted with those who might be impacted before announcing whatever news is being presented?  Not likely.  The delicacy of social interactions is going the way of proper grammar and spelling... down the proverbial tubes.

My mother used to say, "Never write down anything you don't want printed on the front page of the New York Times, and never say anything you don't want shouted from the highest mountain top."  There's some wisdom there.  Recently, on television, I heard a commentator report that people were getting arrested, and others were losing out on jobs because of their postings on Facebook™ as well as other social media sites.  The art of discretion is being lost.

It may be surprising to know that a writer is suggesting there are things that should not be shared.  Someone who writes is encouraged to open their lives, thoughts, and feelings for public consumption in the most intimate ways.  There is, however, something to be said for maintaining a certain amount of mystery in public life.  So few surprises exist anymore between people familiar with one another.  With IPhone™ and Droid™ apps that allow Facebook™ to travel with them wherever they go, some people are recording every moment of their lives in posts.  We see examples of this with celebrities all the time; but, they are not alone.

Readers know things about their Facebook™ friends that they may not feel they need to know.  I'm certain people may sometimes feel ambivilent about what I post as well.  Of course, most of what they know about me comes from my blog site and not Facebook™ postings.  The majority of my Facebook™ comments are birthday greetings, thinking-of-you notes, and links to new articles on my blog.  Certainly, everyone has a different perception about Facebook™.  Mine just happens to be that Facebook™ is like seeing an acquaintance on the street.  I'm not going to tell them my most intimate stories as we're passing one another, any more than I would expect them to do the same.  Those stories are saved for times alone with those closest to me.

With all this being said, I do love my friends.  I want to share in their sorrows and their joys.  I am interested in how they are doing.  I am also thrilled to reconnect with those people with whom I've lost contact many years ago.  Facebook™ simply seems to leave me cool when it comes to intimacy.  Perhaps because I am a musician who depends on my aural skills so often, hearing someone's voice means so much more to me.  I miss sitting on the phone for an hour with a friend who lives far away, and catching up on all their news. Even private messages and e-mails provide a better avenue for more intimate discussions than public postings on a website, as far as I'm concerned.

The truth is, I miss the embrace of friends upon our greeting and departure.  The world is so small that it now fits into 13" screen; yet, it is still so large that many of those I love are too far away for me to hug.  Even with those who live closer, we find ourselves with opposing schedules and cannot visit as often as we'd like.

As it stands, I suppose I will have to be satisfied with brief posts to Facebook™ to learn about my friends.  I should be grateful for that. Until the day of inexpensive travel or teletransportation arrives, I will just have to live without the physical presence of so many of my beloved friends. 

James Chávez Glica-Hernandez misses his friends and wishes they were closer. 
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Photos:

Rockwell, Norman (2010) ["Gossip"] Print by Norman Rockwell.  Retrieved from  http://mashedmusings.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/gossip-print.jpg

(2010) [Person passing IPhone advertisement]. BBC.co.uk.  Retrieved from http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/technology/080415_afp_iphone3.jpg

Burns, Taurus (2010) ["Group hug"] paintDetroit.com. Retrieve from  http://www.paintdetroit.com/Home/Ghetto%20of%20Eden/images/Group%20Hug.jpg