Thinking Back

For the first time in a very long time, something told me to look for the earliest entry in my journal for this date.  I came across this entry, dated September 8, 1993.

Mary and Dziadzia - September 8, 1993

"I just got back from the hospital where I held Mary Elizabeth for the first time.  What an incredible thing!  I held my graddaughter.  She's so beautiful.  I can hardly wait to have her home where we can take care of her.  I remember the feeling of being held by my grandfather, my Dziadzia.  I don't remember his person, because he died when I was very young, but I remember the unconditional love he gave me and it is that on which I have based my desire to love everyone unconditionally.  I also saw my father as a Dziadzia, and the love he gave to my children, and [my brother,] David's children.  I have seen my Papa, Grandfather Herrera, and how he loves so simply  and completely.  These role models are worth emulating.  Maybe I can compile these qualities to be the best grandfather that I can be.  Maybe not the best ever, but the best I can do.  I am really tired, so I think I will stop now, but know that I am peacful and joyful.  It is a wonderful thing!  She is a wonderful, beautiful child and she has filled me with peace now that she has been in my arms.  Big tisses, Mary Lillabits."

After reading this entry, I remembered that I had written a description of her birth from my perspective.  She had asked me to do so as a part of an exercise for her classwork a couple of years ago. 

"It was a beautiful fall day in River Park. Your Mom and I decided to go for a long walk. Your mother seemed to have a lot of energy at the time, so our walk got longer and longer. Apparently, it was too long, because it wasn’t much later that your mother went into labor.

"Your Mom and Dad were living with me in the home we’d lived in for sixteen years at the time.  They had been living in an apartment in the South Area of Sacramento, but the area was not very safe and the closer it got to your birth, the more I felt it was better that they come stay with me. Finally, after a lot of convincing, they agreed.

Raven-of-Strong-Flight

"When your mother said she was feeling labor pains, we took her into the hospital to be checked out by the doctor. The doctor said that Ana was in labor and that she would have to go into the hospital. It was several weeks too early and we were concerned. We knew that when a baby is born too early, the child’s lungs wouldn’t be fully developed and the risk to his or her well-being was very high.

"The doctors said they might have been able to stop the labor, but the amniotic fluid that surrounded you in the womb had broken and was leaking. That put you at risk of infection since you were no longer surrounded by the protection of the sac that held the amniotic fluid. They said you had to be delivered at that point.

"Your mom’s labor began subsiding, but they felt it was necessary to induce the labor again, so they started your mom on pitocin. They kept increasing the medication to such a level that your mother was having one long, painful labor pain without any break in between. Normally, contractions, which is where the muscles flex around the mother’s uterus to get the baby out, go for a few seconds, and then she has a few minutes rest. Well, you and your mom didn’t have that rest. I finally had to insist that the doctors stop the pitocin. When they did, labor went on as normal and your birth went on as would be expected. The problem is that your mother had been in labor for nearly three days by this time. She had been in a lot of pain and she was so very tired. One must remember that your mother was only 17 years old when all of this was happening. It had to be really hard for her to deal with.

"Everyone was there at different times to support your Mom and you. Your Dad were there, of course, and I was there most of the time. Your uncles, J.D., John and Michael and Aunt Rita stayed with your mother for a lot of the time. I must say, your Uncle John wouldn’t leave your mother’s side. Even when everyone was told to get out of the room, John would go and sit outside in the hall. Grandma Barbara and Grandma Florabelle were there quite a bit, also, because they didn’t want to miss your birth. Even Grandpa Tom was in the waiting room.  When it was time for you to make your arrival, they wheeled your mother into the birthing suite and there was quite a crowd. Mom and Dad and all four of your grandparents were there, as well as the hospital staff. I was your Mom’s birthing coach, so I took the lead in helping your Mom deliver you.

The Glica Family - 1993
Top: John, James, James David
Bottom: Michael, Mary, Ana, Rita, and Michael (photo)

"A few pushes and you were here. Five pounds, ten ounces of beautiful baby. You cried a little bit, but as I looked over at you, you began turning purple. I knew what that meant immediately. You weren’t breathing very well. Your mother didn’t hear you crying, so she asked what was happening. The doctor said, they were just checking you out. When it was clear that you were having difficulties, they told your mother what was happening. It wasn’t long before they took you to the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit (NNICU). That is where newborn babies go when there are serious problems with their health.

"Your lungs hadn’t fully developed yet. Your mother wasn’t able to produce enough milk to feed you and so they eventually had to start gavaging you, which meant they put a tube down your throat and made sure you were getting milk.

"You little body was struggling so hard, but it was getting more and more tired. You got down to four pounds, fifteen ounces during your stay, so they could not let us bring you home. You were receiving around the clock oxygen through a respirator since you were not able to breathe on your own.

"By all accounts, it appeared you were dying. We wouldn’t have any part of that, however. We knew from the time when Aunt Rita had cancer as a young baby, that we had to pray.

"Everyone was praying for you, of course, but your mother and I decided to go into the NNICU and pray together with you. Your mother put her right hand on your head and her left hand on your feet, I put my hands on hers and we began praying. We offered your spirit to God and asked that he choose what course your life should go. It was in that moment we had to let go of you into God’s hands. It was also in that moment that you started to get better.

"Soon, you were gaining weight, you came off the respirator and we finally got to hold you. One of my favorite pictures is the photo I have of me holding you for the first time in the NNICU. It was a picture we didn’t know we’d ever be able to take.

L-R David, James, Ray, Ana, and Mary

"Modern medicine and prayer are what brought you back to us. God guided our hands at every step. I really believe that, Mary.

"Everyone responded differently while you were ill. Some people, like your Grandma Barbara tried to keep your Mom’s spirits up. Some left us alone to work on taking care of you. I believe we were all afraid we would lose you and the natural tendency to panic kicked in for some. They didn’t know what to do. We had never faced anything like this before.

"We found out that you had a hole in your heart that they said would correct itself as you got older. Your lungs would grow enough eventually to get you off the respirator and soon they would allow us to take you home. We had gone through a very tough ordeal, but as a family, and through prayer, we got through it together.

"It challenged us and we met the challenge. You showed us just how strong you would be in that time. It was for that reason I also named you in the Native American tradition, Raven of Strong Flight after I found the Raven feather the day before you got off the respirator."

James with seven of his grandchildren,
L-R Nathaniell, Ray, Emily, Jacob, Mary, Justin, and Christian

Grandparenthood started for me when I was very young; 34 to be exact.  Of course, this has been the pattern for my birthfamily for at least seven generations. My grandmother became at great-great-grandmother when Mary was born and she was only 70.  I must believe that although we've each had our challenges as parents, the fulfillment for them must have been as wonderful as it has been for me. 

Since Mary's birth, I've been blessed by 10 grandchildren, all of which came before I was 50.  I give thanks to our Divine Creator for blessing me with such an abundance of love from my wonderful grandchildren.  I especially remember my Mary Lillabits for starting the ball rolling 17 years ago.

I love you, Mary.

Love,

Dziadzia